Whats it all worth if you don't have happiness?

I forgot what it feels like to know every one. To have that love and support every day from your neighbors and even the guy down the street. I forgot what it feels like to recognize a car from the other end of main street. Actually I forgot what a main street even looks like. Whats it like to not have stop lights? Honking traffic? Road ragers? Sirens every hour on the hour? Whats it like to have a sky full of stars and not a glow from the city lights?
Thats when you know you've been gone too long...when you forget all of those things that shaped you into you. 
Life's options are endless. You could be a teller at a bank. You could be in the front office for a professional sports team. You could be a stay at home mom. You can move across the country. You could move out of the country. You could design your own fashion line. Of course you can do anything you set your mind to. And if you really want to be rich and living in a mansion...you can. But what's it all worth if you're not happy? 
Material things are so pricey and sure they make some people happy. Material things buy you attention. But for me and my happiness you can't put a price on that. 
My happiness? My true happiness is simple. It's in a little town in the southeast corner of Colorado. It's when I get to go to the Steakhouse and see half the town during a lunch rush. Its when I get to go to grandma and papas on a Sunday and eat a bowl of chili for lunch. It's where you don't have to leave city limits to find dirt roads and where you can see the most beatiful sunsets along the plains. Its a place I like to call home. 
Its not much. It's simple. But it's what I love and the biggest part of who I am. Its home <3

Be Humbled By Kind Words

My mom sent me such a sweet Valentines Day card today. Her words (even though they were already printed on the card) were so humbling to me. 


"On special days like Valentines Day and on ordinary days too, please know that I see you
I see the path you've made that's all your own. 
I see the many unique talents and gifts you have to share.
I see your brilliance, your enthusiasm, and how deeply you care and sometimes hurt. 
I see your hard-earned wisdom, your soft pure innocence, your courage and compassion, 
your unconditional goodness. 
I see what a difference you make in this world...
...and I hope you know how very much I love you and how proud I'll always be to have a daughter as wonderful as you."


Ya know when you just have a really shitty go at things. When nothing seems to be going your way no matter how hard you feel like you've worked to get somewhere? I have found that just one person to see that you are trying, that you are giving your honest and best effort to better yourself, can make such a difference in those efforts. 
Its always more rewarding when somebody sees that. 


I appreciate and respect my mom because she loves me unconditionally. Never has, never will judge me, only guide me through the things I've done wrong. And I know she will always be the first to praise me when I've done right. 


Valentines isn't always about loving a significant other but just loving someone thats important to you. I LOVE YOU MOM! 

Whale You Be My Valentine

With valentines day coming up I just cant help but point out how depressing a holiday can be. A day out of the year set aside for those who are in happy...or well....some not so happy relationships how much they love each other and shower them in candy hearts teddies and rose pedals while the rest of us are left to wallow in the misery of being alone and sad on a holiday that should even be in existence.


I got a little reminder that this dreadful holiday is coming up.
I walked up to the counter at Starbucks, ordered my venti Hot Caramel Macchiato and turned the cup to see a big red heart on the side of it. Instantly mad. Furious actually. I don't want to be reminded that I have no one to buy me a teddy bear for valentines day. I just want to be able to pick up a stupid cup of joe and spend my day in peace while everyone else is busy making dinner reservations for 2 at Red Lobster next Tuesday night.
I looked a little closer at the cup and it actually make me happy the closer I examined. You know when a girl is reading her phone and gets a big smile on her face? I was being that girl...except looking at a cup of coffee. The phrase underneath the heart said "Celebrate EveryLove." I loved that. You don't have to spend Valentines day loving a boy, you can love anyone on that day and its absolutely encouraged to show it!

As far as not finding a Valentine goes, I've considered taking matters into my own hands this year. Doin somethin cute for someone. I've had my eye on someone for a while, I've just never taken the initiative to pursue it.  I see him often. Thats not the issue and it's not that I don't want to, I just haven't found the right time. "Oh did you see the score of the UNC game last, and by the way do you want to be my Valentine?" Haha seriously....there is no right time!! I saw this thing on Pinterest that was cute.

TOO BAD I DONT HAVE AN iPHONE!

I'm not a very affectionate person in the first place. I don't know how to go about it. Never have, actually. I feel awkward when people buy me things too. Not that I'm not thankful, I just feel guilty that they spend money on me. I don't know how to take a compliment either. So in all honesty I don't know why I get worked up over Valentines day if I'm so bad at all this stuff.


This year I'm gonna be happy to see happy people together. I don't want to be the scrooge of Valentines Day anymore.
Show the love and share the love.

Dont just settle for comfort.

A comfort zone is something that is really easy to lose yourself in. In some ways, a comfort zone can be an amazing thing to turn to. Not everyone has somewhere that they can just go and feel a sense of complete serenity. Where no amount of stress, anxiety, tears, or troubles can outweigh the calm that a comfort blanket can wrap you in: that's a comfort zone and mine just happens to be my family. 
I grew up with a great amount of support which I thank God every day for. I couldn't imagine being the person I am today without it. Having my family live 20 miles away from me has been one of the most rewarding things about going to college. But in some ways I think that I confide in that security too much and I have a hard time being me and doing the things that I want to do...not because they aren't allowing me, but because of where I'm at. 
With nobody to blame but myself, I am finding that the longer I spend in Greeley, the more I become unhappy with how my days are being spent. And it always resorts back to the one constant reminder of the reason I planted the roots of this chapter in my life here in the first place. 
If you aren't happy with the way things have been going, don't keep doing the same things you've been doing because you're going to get the results you've been getting. Which sparks an interest in wondering what things would be like if I looked for happiness somewhere else? God has a plan for us all and as much as I love having my family to come home to when I'm just having a bad day, I just cant help but wonder, is this really what God wants for my life? Or is my comfort zone holding me back from achieving the dreams that I want and living the life I'm supposed to live. 
I just wonder what I could do while I'm still young and not tied down to anything. Where I could go, who I could be. 
How many of you are settling with where you're at  just because you're comfortable when you know how much potential you have to offer? 
The result of that is the mediocrity in this world. 
Just something to think about.

The quantity of friends doesn't matter if the quality of them isn't any good.

You establish friends early in life. For me, second grade. I was fortunate to meet my best friend in elementary school and since then, we've been inseparable. I've never looked nor needed another best friend...because what's the point in having a best friend when you have more than one? It's a funny thing really...no matter how far away or how intense the argument, it always seems to work out. Besides its dangerous to lose your best friend. They know too much about you.

You establish acquaintances later in life. High school, college, work. They're the ones who are there for the time being, but you never really know if you'll talk to them once you leave that place. Its kind of sad because whats the point in even building up a relationship unless you intend to keep it?


I have been having a hard time finding the true meaning of a friend lately. No, not because I'm picky but because I can not and will not put up with the bull shit any longer plain and simple. Most of my friends and/or acquaintances I would give the shirt off my back for. I love my friends to pieces and thats why I would do it. Not because I expect anything in return. One thing I don't expect in return though is to be screwed over time and time again. The benefit of the doubt is such an evil thing. You always wanna leave it up to someone to do the right thing after they've screwed up before. Bad idea. Usually when a friend hurts you the first time they're going to continue to do so. "Shame on me if you fool me once, Shame on me if you fool me twice."

Thats when you just decided to pull it together and realize who is making an effort to be in your life and who is doing just the opposite. I've realized that the older I have gotten the quantities of friends don't make a difference if the quality of them isn't any good. Surround yourself with the right people and the rest falls into place. I love my friends and those of you who have stuck by my side thank you :) you make each day a little brighter. 

Much Love. 

Shout out to my friend Paulina!! Thanks for reading my blogs :) 

If you're too busy for God....You're too busy.

I feel like a hamster in its wheel. I've been running so fast lately that I haven't had time to really reflect on the things that are making my life feel so mediocre. Things that are dragging me down. 

I had this feeling today that I just needed to do something to break my routine. Something awesome. Something that made me feel good. 

This was urgent. 

I texted one of my friends and asked her about some of the church events that she goes to. There was one tonight!! How convenient is that?!?!

God heard my prayer and he made something happen... quick. 

Tonight I went to Christian Challenge. It's going to be exactly how it sounds. A challenge to me to rekindle my faith and stay faithful to my faith. Once a week is all it is. Two hours out of my busy schedule to give my undivided attention to our one and only savior. Theres nothing else in this world that only takes two hours that can make me feel as incredible as those two hours did tonight. 

I have been struggling finding the right path for myself in life. Im kind of freaking out because I'm 20 years old and it's time to pull it together. After tonight no questions about it. God heard my cries and I feel like everything that was discussed, the verse, the worship songs, the prayer, everything hit the nail on the head. It was an absolute moment of clarity. It's like he planned it out for me. 

"If you're too busy for God, then you're too busy" -this was something they mentioned tonight and it really hit home for me. My excuse for not going to church/bible study etc. is because I'm too busy....but I'm not. I can and will make time. Its my challenge.  

                                  

I'm just so excited about this!!! SO excited. 

Facebook Just Wasn't Cutting It For A Blog

I called and talked to my mom yesterday and upon our conversation we started talking about a small slump that I have found myself in lately. Bored, under motivated, grouchy. All of which resort back to my decision on ditching the party life style which in turn, most of my friends ditched me. So she encouraged me to find something to do with my time....something that I love. It brought me here: to writing.  


I write constantly.
When I'm not typing on my computer, I still have a constant flow of ideas running through my head. Some of which I like to consider "brilliant" (not always true). Thoughts I don't want to forget...so I write them down on scrap paper, note cards, post-it notes...and when I'm really desperate, the backside of a gum wrapper.
Social networking is a great way to document those thoughts but if I put every thought that runs through my head on Facebook, I would get told to take it to Twitter, which I have also tried. It just doesn't do my writing justice.....I have considered blogging more than once and for being in the prime of the 21st century I'm ashamed to say I haven't been able to figure out all the technical stuff that goes along with blogging.
I started messing around with it at 8:30 last night looked up and it was 12:30....needless to say this is as good as its gonna get.
I feel a little more comfortable putting my writing in a blog rather than Facebook anyways. Facebook seems like walking my posts into oncoming traffic. Its a busy place and it makes my posts more susceptible to negative remarks some of the snoody "friends" I have on there anyways. I'm self conscious about my writing and its really important to me. So this way, if you really care about it, you can go out of your way to read it on my blog. (Although some I may decide to post on there anyways. Depending on the kind of day I'm having)
I hope you enjoy and get something out of it. Cheers to more social networking addictions.
Much Love.